The time will come when, with elation you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life.
I left my Days With The Lord cross in THY the other day and only realized it when I was already on my way home. I know it's just an object but I was still quite upset for obvious sentimental reasons and because having that cross around my neck was a constant, tangible reminder that no matter how crappy things may get, they would always get better. Thinking/Praying/Hoping it would still be there the following day (which was yesterday), I went back to check the room. On my way in, I heard someone call me and when I turned around, I saw this person whom, I swear, I have never seen before in my life. Before I could say anything, he started talking, telling me that he saw me in Rizal X and the play was good and I was good in it, etc. and all the while he was talking, I was panicking inside because I DO NOT KNOW THIS PERSON. I went through my mental list of friends of friends I've met, former classmates I've had, and acquaintances I've acquired through the years but I still came up with nothing. It was extremely mind-boggling because although I am poor when it comes to remembering names and numbers, I pride myself in being excellent at remembering people's faces. This particular person talked to me as if we know each other and have had conversations before, which is why I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO AT LEAST RECOGNIZE HIS FACE. But I didn't. And I still don't.
(Just in case you're wondering, my cross was no longer in the room. I'm not as upset as I was anymore and I pray that it may bring peace, faith, and happiness to whoever found it, even though my name, as well as Mark's, Mara's, and Dred's are etched on it. Perhaps it has already served its purpose on me. It's someone else's turn now. I just hope he/she takes better care of it than I did.)
I wish to write a longer entry about tonight, but sadly, I do not have enough time. For now, I hope a picture would be enough to express the overflowing happiness and gratitude I am currently feeling from the very bottom of my extremely happy and grateful heart.
THANK YOU!!!
Looks like I would be sleeping with a bouquet of orange roses tonight. Hahahahaha! :D
I'm sure there's an unwritten theater rule stating that whatever happens backstage, stays backstage so I won't go into details but I just have to write about last night's run because it would do me good (and perhaps even someone who happens to stumble upon this blog) to remember the life lessons it taught me.
First of all, I have to admit that yes, it wasn't our best show. There were far too many glitches with the technicals and one dangerous set-change mistake was committed. As an actor, we were too preoccupied with our on-stage businesses that we only became aware of most of these things after the curtain call, when something suddenly erupted. I don't know how to describe it better but just imagine being in one room with the most passionate of people, people who are willing to sacrifice absolutely everything for their art, are so emotional about it and would do anything within their power to make sure that things go perfectly. Then imagine these people frustrated and angry because someone screwed something up. It was terrifyingly intense. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if some people who were at the receiving end of this wrath explosion decide to quit. After all, other men and women have given up for "shallower" reasons.
On the other hand, I know I will be seeing these same people again tonight. Because theater people, from the actors to those who work behind-the-scenes, are a resilient breed. They really are. I am learning that it takes a lot to break the spirit of a true theater person. You could throw all the insults and destructive criticisms you could think of at him or her and a theater person would still go on. This is why I've come to believe that to be successful in theater, not only should you have an iron-clad self-confidence, you must also have a streak of masochism embedded in the fibers of your being. Otherwise, you'd be eaten alive.
What are the life lessons in this story, you ask? One, shit happens. You may think you have a situation under control but for whatever reason that only Murphy's Law could explain, it could suddenly fall apart. When this happens, you lick your wounds for a while and then you move on. YOU. DON'T. GIVE. UP. Two, the universe is abundant with second, third, fourth, nth chances but sometimes, you wouldn't be given any, no matter how much you beg or promise to be better next time. Therefore, when you are presented with one, YOU GRAB IT BY THE COLLAR AND SQUEEZE EVERY INCH OF LIFE OUT OF IT. YOU DON'T LET IT SLIP AWAY. And three, nothing will ever beat pure, unadulterated love. Love for your craft, love for your life, and most importantly, love for The One who made everything possible. DO WHATEVER IT IS YOU DO WITH ALL THE LOVE THAT YOUR LITTLE HEART COULD CONTAIN-NOTHING MORE, NOTHING LESS-AND YOU COULD NEVER EVER LOSE.
To my RX family, we still have 20+ shows to redeem ourselves. And redeem, we shall! GO! FLY! WIN! ☺
There's this British sitcom that I've just started watching last night and holy cow, it's freaking hilarious. It's called Miranda and it's about this socially-awkward six-feet tall woman who owns a joke shop and is constantly being hounded by her mother to get married already. In the first episode, she discovers that the new chef-slash-waiter in the restaurant next door to her shop is Gary, her friend from university whom she's been in love with ever since. The following is a sample of their extremely excruciating (but in a good way) exchange (I just made an alliteration! Heck yeah!):
Gary: I just popped in to ask... Actually, you're not with anybody or married or anything at the moment? Miranda: Yep, yep. Of course, yeah. Gary: Oh. Really? Kids? Miranda: Yeah. I got two. It's all I can do. Orlando and uh... Bloom. (awkward pause) You? Gary: No, I'm still single. Miranda: Me too. Gary: You just said you're married. Miranda: Divorced now. Gary: And the kids? Miranda: Dead. Gary: Really? What happened? Miranda: They froze.
If you're having a bad day and you want a cheer-me-upper or you've got nothing else to do and you're up for a laugh, I strongly recommend this show for you. A small warning though: You may want to make sure that you either have understanding housemates or soundproofed bedroom walls. I watched it at past 12 midnight and I cracked up every minute that I eventually stopped trying to keep the sound of my laughter down.
You know those instances when you're really exhausted and so sleepy on your way home that you're sure you'd fall into a coma as soon as your head makes contact with the pillow but when you finally get home, you're sleepiness mysteriously disappears?
This is not one of those moments.
I really am tired and sleepy I'm practically typing this with just one eye open, but I feel like I have to document this thing that happened today, or yesterday rather, otherwise, I would forget about it and that would be a shame. So, here goes.
For an exercise in my acting class, Sir Alex paired us up and gave us ten minutes to come up with a scene that would showcase "vulnerability" and then perform it afterwards. The scene must have clear characters that are different from who we are and must have a certain type of love/hate relationship with each other, must be in a specific place and must have a conflict. I was paired with Niccolo, one of the only four males in a class of around 20 students and we both decided to create a scene that would rely heavily on pregnant pauses and would have the least dialogue possible. Now, I have to say that I love pregnant pauses (in acting, not in real life :p) because one, as a spectator, I love the suspense, the guessing of what the actors are saying by NOT saying anything, and two, as an actor, I love the challenge of creating tension and conveying messages using only silence. That being said, pregnant pauses are dangerous because if they don't work, the entire scene would be confusing and terrible. So Niccolo and I were really shooting at the moon with our choice.
Fortunately, Sir Alex liked what we did. He even made us do it again at the end of the class. He said that our scene was what he was looking for when he said "vulnerability," although I must admit that I never really exactly understood what he meant by it when he gave us the instructions. He also said that in that short scene, a lot of things were "revealed" about our characters and the situation we were in. This meant that our pregnant pauses were successful. And this makes me happy. Yey! ☺
Here, for posterity, was our scene:
INT. KUWARTO
Nakaupo si ERIKA sa kama, nagtutupi ng mga damit at nilalagay ang mga ito sa kanyang bag na parang nag-eempake. Papasok si NICCOLO galing sa trabaho. Hahalik kay ERIKA bago ibaba ang dalang gamit. Mapapansin ang kilos ni ERIKA; parang may mali.
NICCOLO Ayos ka lang?
Hindi kikibo si ERIKA at patuloy na mag-eempake. Makalipas ang ilang sandali, magsasalita nang hindi tumitingin kay NICCOLO. Pangkaraniwan ang mga salita ngunit iba ang tono; malamig at impersonal.
ERIKA Kumain ka na ba?
NICCOLO Hindi pa. Maya-maya na. Sigurado ka bang ayos ka lang?
Natapos sa pag-eempake si ERIKA. Isasara ang bag at tatayo nang hindi kumikibo.
NICCOLO Saan ka pupunta? Para saan yang mga yan? (Tinutukoy ang mga dala ni ERIKA.)
Hindi pa rin siya sasagutin. Sa halip, ilalapag ni ERIKA ang isang cellphone sa lamesa.
ERIKA Naiwan mo. May nag-text nga pala. Sorry, nabasa ko.
Pupunta si ERIKA sa pintuan habang binabasa ni NICCOLO ang mensahe. Maliliwanagan. Magi-guilty sa una ngunit magiging defensive pagkatapos.
NICCOLO O, alam mo na naman to, di ba?
Tahimik pa din si ERIKA. Dahan-dahang lilingunin si NICCOLO at magtatanong.
ERIKA Bakit?
NICCOLO Akala ko ba naiintindihan mo?
Katahimikan ulit. Pagkatapos ng ilang saglit,magsasalita si ERIKA, kalmado pa rin, may maliit na ngiti, pero nagpipigil ng luha.
ERIKA Naiintindihan ko... Pero pagod na ako.
Maaasar si NICCOLO .
NICCOLO Ang labo mo naman e!
Lalabas si ERIKA pero pipigilan ni NICCOLO. Hahawakan ang kamay. Sisikaping lambingin at amuin para wag nang umalis.
NICCOLO Tama na. Wag ka nang umalis. Tapos na to. I'm sorry.
Titingnan ni ERIKA si NICCOLO nang diretso sa mga mata at dahan-dahang aalisin ang kamay nito sa pagkakahawak sa kamay niya. Pabulong na magsasalita...
ERIKA I'm sorry too.
... at tuluyang lalabas.
WAKAS
I've just recently realized how beautiful and magical the sound that the switching on/off of a spotlight makes. ☺
Two plastic chairs, one plastic tumbler, and one steel mug hurled at two different people. One person fired. Countless of curses in crisp Tagalog. Bruises all over the body. Pain in places never thought of before. Physical and emotional frustration. But we all come back anyway.
22 days to opening night and rehearsals are getting more and more intense.
The top three most effective weight-loss diet based on my experience: first, a break-up; second, poverty; third, four hours of intense hip-hop dancing everyday for one week.
Ate a McDonald's Double Cheeseburger for the first time in months and I literally teared up on the first bite. Heavenly.
Got "reprimanded" during rehearsals today for chewing gum. It was not as embarrassing or upsetting as it was surprising. I must have frozen for a second when I realized that our director was talking to me. Hahaha!
A hilarious exchange during my first day of acting class: Sir Alex (Cortez): What year are you? Me: Sir, third. Pero shiftee po ako. Sir Alex: Ah. Ayan yung mga can't make up their minds. Me: Sir, I've made up mind. Sir Alex: (in an amused tone) Tse!
The thing with me is when I want to have something, like really really really REALLY want to have something, I would do whatever it is in my power to do in order to have it. For instance, I once practically turned Hidalgo St. in Quiapo inside out just because I wanted a copy of Pride and Prejudice the movie. I remember refusing to leave until I have the DVD in my hands, which I eventually found, much to the relief of my companions (Hi Nikko and George! :D). I do believe that I could be a sniper with my unwavering focus and relentless determination, two traits which I'm trying to apply in other aspects of my life (I would say 'more important' aspects, but then everything, as long as I want it, IS important).
This personality explains why I spent almost the whole day of yesterday in one Powerbooks, two Fully Bookeds, three National Bookstores, and four Book Sales scouring their stacks for a copy of Stieg Larsson's The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. I've been wanting to read it for the longest time and I've been seeing it in shelves since forever, but I somehow always postponed buying it. Now, with the movie release nearing, the book is apparently sold-out. So, with a disappointed heart and blistered feet, I abandoned my search in defeat (with a copy of a different book, Bernhard Schlink's The Reader, in my hands).
On the bright side, I did encounter the following amusing exchange.
Me (to the owner of my favorite book shop in the UP Shopping Center): Manong, meron po ba kayong Larsson? Manong: (to his companion) Yung Larsson daw. (To me) Yung comics ba yun? Me: Ay, hindi po. Yung Millennium series po. Manong: Ah. Yung may bidang babae. Wala pa e. Pero ipapalabas na yung pelikula nun, di ba? Me: Opo. Kaya nga po sold-out na yung first book sa bookstores e. Manong: Ganun talaga. (pauses) Kamukha mo pala yung bida dun! Me: (surprised) Wow! Kamusta naman yun! Wish ko lang di ba. (laughs) Manong: Pero mas maganda ka dun. Ang weirdo ng itsura nun e.
Hahahahaha! And to think I've been thinking of getting a nose stud and wrist tattoo (a story for another time). But thanks, Manong. You made me and my heart smile. ☺
"For so long, I've been loving You from a distance because I was afraid of Your silence. Because Your silence speaks to me more deeply than any words could ever say. Because I was afraid of who I would be when I was alone with You. Because I didn't want to be rejected.
For so long, I've been loving You from a distance, holding myself hostage to the sound of You; running away from the thought of You loving me so deeply, that I would lose myself and never be able to find who I used to be.
For so long, I've been trying loving You from a distance but I can't even survive without You. You are not only the air I breathe; You are the lungs I breathe with. And without You, there is this vacant void that causes me to collapse at the very center of who I am. And that's what I mean when I say You're breathtaking.
You cared for me with a gentleness that made me want to love You more than I ever thought possible.
And I want to give all of my heart to You even though I don't know what that feels like.
You love me privately, publicly, lonely, lovely or ugly.
And I want to give You the keys to every room in this room in this house I call my heart.
And that means nothing is off-limits to You.”
- Amena Brown
Walking with You is not an easy journey. Knowing who and what I am, knowing the kind of world I live in, I keep slipping. And sometimes, when I slip, it gets too difficult to recover. Yet, I know You will never get tired of picking me up. In the midst of this chaotic and ever-changing life, You are the only one constant. You are my rock, even during those moments when I don't think I need a rock. And for that, I could never thank You enough.
I'm hanging by a thread, but as long as You're on the other end, I know I'll make it through.
Summer used to be my favorite time of the year. First, because it's my birth season; second, because I love to swim; and third, because it's associated with the concept of vacation from the stress brought on by the previous school year (I said concept because I still had to go to school during summer for most of my Arki life). However, I've recently come to love the rainy season more. Perhaps it's because my previous summers have all somehow marked the end of an era in my life, and the coming of the rain after those sometimes heartbreaking 'season finales' (as David so amusingly put it in a conversation last year) had thankfully brought along with it new beginnings. In my experience, rain means fresh start. And this year is no exception.
To celebrate the commencement of this wonderful occasion, I spent most of the day in bed with my beloved Matthew (not in that way, unfortunately).
My camera phone sadly does not give Mattie's god-like features the justice they deserve.
Today was also my last day at my day job and I must say, I've never been more excited about being unemployed as I am right now. Yes, it's only for two and a half months and yes, I'm still technically employed because RX is a paying gig, but I'm not really considering this as work. This is theater. This is a dream coming true. This, in a word, in one very simple word that anyone with a functioning brain and opposable thumbs could understand, is love.
And speaking of RX, here's an article to one of the early publicities for it. I'm part of the Dulaang UP Ensemble and I like to think I'm one of the 'young and promising theater actors' it mentions. What? I'm still young, right? :p
This shameless plug is brought to you by Mattie's disturbing movie called 'Womb' which took me four long hours to finish watching because Megavideo streaming was being a buzzkill. It was also dubbed in Russian and had no English subtitles so I had no idea half of what they were saying. This is what most people call obsession (I know someone who had a Spanish-English dictionary beside her while watching an unsubtitled Gael Garcia-Bernal movie. *ehem you know who you are ehem*). Thank God for IMDB and Wikipedia.
Less than 48 hours to go! Wheeeee! Oh, rain, how I adore thee. ♥
KAREN is walking towards the boarding area with MATT behind her. Upon nearing the entrance, KAREN stops and turns to MATT. MATT just stands there with his hands in his pockets, looking at KAREN with sad eyes. KAREN looks back at him with a small smile.
A long silence follows, filled with unspoken words of longing and resignation.
A beat then MATT speaks.
MATT I can't make you change your mind, can I?
KAREN tilts her head to one side as she replies.
KAREN It's not my mind that needs changing. Or my heart.
Another beat. KAREN loses her smile as she holds back her tears. MATT speaks.
MATT Karen, I...
MATT swallows. KAREN places her hand on MATT's cheek and speaks tearfully but quietly.
KAREN Why does this have to be so hard?
MATT lets himself feel KAREN's hand on his face. His lips quiver as both of them struggle not to cry. KAREN takes her hand back. They stare into each other's eyes for a moment, searching for something, wishing that the circumstances of their lives are different than the way they are right now. With mutual understanding, they smile. And then, choking back the lump in his throat, MATT slowly whispers.
MATT I will always love you.
KAREN suddenly takes MATT in an embrace and lets her tears fall. The two of them stay like that for a while, not wanting to let go but knowing they eventually have to.
A beat then KAREN, with a slightly upbeat tone and a smile, nudges MATT and whispers.
KAREN Hey.
MATT What?
KAREN I'm glad we happened.
MATT finally smiles and hugs KAREN tighter. He kisses her shoulder then her hair before kissing her full on the lips, tears streaming down both of their faces. After a while, KAREN leans the side of her head on MATT's shoulder and lets out a small sob. MATT wraps his arms around her and kisses her forehead as he speaks.
MATT I wish... I can make everything right for us. Right now. But I... I can't... Someday, though. Someday, I will. I will, Karen. So go ahead and run after your dreams. Do everything you've ever wanted to do and know that wherever you go, I'm always going to be with you. Then someday, on a day that you least expect it, I will find you again. I will burst through your door and hold you in my arms just like this and everything will be right. And when that someday comes, I am never ever going to let you go.
MATT and KAREN hold tightly onto each other for a beat then they finally let go. KAREN takes a step back and wipes her face with her hands. Then she speaks.
KAREN Try not to miss me too much, okay?
MATT laughs and looks away as he wipes his face. Then he puts his hands back in his pockets as he looks at KAREN straight in the eyes. Slightly tilting his head forward and with all the earnestness in the world, he replies.
MATT Not a chance.
KAREN leans forwards and kisses MATT on the cheek. Then as she pulls away, she whispers.
KAREN Have a lovely day, Mr. Smith.
KAREN turns around and walks on. MATT stands perfectly still as he watches her go. Before passing through the entrance, KAREN looks back and mouths her parting words to MATT.
KAREN (CONT'D) I love you.
MATT raises his hand as if to wave goodbye as KAREN disappears into the boarding area. He stands there for a beat until, with a thoughtful smile, he too finally walks away.
FADE OUT.
I may or may not have developed an aneurysm from formatting this one. I swear, one of these days my unnecessary Obsessive Compulsion will deliver me to my grave. *whew*
So I just finished writing the ending scene of my script and now I want to cry because it's so sad and I'm asking why did it have to be so sad and then I remember that I wrote it and I could totally change it if I want to but I won't because I don't know how I could possibly write a happy ending after writing a sad one such as that.
Will post it tomorrow (later) as I'm too heartbroken to check for grammatical errors. Also, I took this vitamin that's supposed to make me healthy but so far, all it does is make me borderline narcoleptic.
I've just finished writing five pages of my script. Wow. I'm on a freaking roll here. I should get sick more often. (It's obviously a joke, universe. Don't be daft.)
EXT. THE PLAZA - DAY
MATT and KAREN walking around, sight-seeing but not really looking at anything in particular. KAREN breaks the silence.
KAREN Who's Daisy?
MATT Not good with small talk, are you?
KAREN Depends.
MATT On what?
KAREN You're deflecting.
MATT No, I'm not.
KAREN So who's Daisy?
MATT Has it not occurred to you that perhaps I don't want to talk about her?
KAREN Yes, but I'm asking anyway.
MATT Are you this charming all the time?
KAREN I have my moments. And you, my friend, are deflecting.
A beat. Then Matt speaks.
MATT Daisy is my ex-girlfriend.
KAREN I figured.
MATT No, you didn't.
KAREN Yes, I did.
MATT How?
KAREN Because there are only two known reasons why a man would be so deflective about a woman. One, she's an ex-girlfriend, it ended badly and he still wants her back. And two, she's an ex-wife, he cheated on her and is so ashamed that he can't bear to talk about it.
MATT You just made that up.
KAREN Maybe. But I still figured it out correctly, didn't I?
MATT Why did you say ex-girlfriend? Why not ex-wife?
KAREN Was she your ex-wife?
MATT No.
KAREN Then what does it matter?
MATT If you already knew, why did you have to ask me?
KAREN Because I'm being charming.
MATT Ha!
A pause. KAREN's waiting for MATT to speak. MATT's thinking if he should. He does.
MATT (CONT'D) We've been together for two years. It was rough the first year because I was always away working. She said having me for a boyfriend was like not having a boyfriend at all. Because I was never there. But we managed to make it work. She was everything I ever wanted in a girl and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. So one day, I took her to my hometown for the first time and asked her to marry me. She said no. A few weeks later, she broke up with me.
KAREN Did she say why?
MATT She said she was too young. 23 years old.
KAREN Oh...
MATT Oh what?
KAREN What?
MATT You wanted to say something.
KAREN No, I didn't.
MATT Yes, you do. You're you.
KAREN What does that supposed to mean?
MATT You're charming.
KAREN Ha! Now he agrees.
MATT So finish that oh.
KAREN Well, I just think... I just think age is not really a good enough reason to not marry someone and then break up with them.
MATT Care to expound?
KAREN If your only reason for turning down a marriage proposal is because you're too young, it means you still want to be in the relationship but you're just not ready to take it to the next step. So you wait until you think you're old enough. You don't break up.
MATT What if she thought we wanted different things?
KAREN Did she tell you that?
MATT Yes, actually.
KAREN Do you agree?
MATT Well, no...
KAREN So you were willing to wait for her?
MATT Yes. I told you she was everything I ever wanted.
KAREN So you didn't mind that she said no to your proposal?
MATT I didn't not mind. Of course it hit me in a certain way. But I was sure I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. So I took her rejection of my proposal to mean as 'not now' instead of 'never.'
KAREN And she meant 'never'?
MATT Apparently.
KAREN There you go.
MATT So you're saying she said no simply because she didn't want to be with me anymore?
KAREN makes an apologetic face. MATT contemplates for a bit. KAREN smiles, changes the subject.
KAREN Not bad for a deflector, huh?
MATT Eh. You're probably right.
KAREN I didn't want to be.
MATT You can't help it.
KAREN Because I'm charming, yes?
MATT smiles, mood becomes upbeat.
MATT Well, then. It's all water under the bridge now. I'm in one of the
most beautiful cities in the world with a charming woman. I say live and let live. So, Karen, tell me. Who's Patrick?
KAREN Oh, look! A mime!
KAREN runs away. MATT shouts after her.
MATT Oi! Who's being deflective now?
KAREN turns to him and makes a face. Continues running. MATT
laughs. A beat then runs after her.
My action descriptions still need a lot of work and but I'm rather pleased with this for now.
In other news, I finally told my parents about RX (don't ask me why it took me all this time to do so). My mother's reaction was: "Kelan ipapalabas?" Happyhappyjoyjoy. ☺
I'm writing a script. I was feverish last night and couldn't sleep so while tossing and turning for about five million years, I came up with an entire movie in my mind. I've started writing bits of scenes today using the amazing Final Draft 8 because it makes me feel like a pro. Here's one of them:
KAREN It's not that I want him back. It's more like I wish we never happened.
MATT Don't you think that's a bit too much?
KAREN Not at all.
MATT Do you honestly believe that you would've been who you are today if you hadn't met him?
KAREN No. I believe I would've been better.
MATT Wow.
KAREN What about you? Don't you have something that you wish hadn't happened?
MATT Like regrets?
KAREN Regrets, mistakes, momentary lapses of sanity, call it whatever you like.
MATT Hmm. Let me see. There was this one time I went on Craig Ferguson and I basically announced on national television that I drove to Vegas and met a girl.
KAREN What's to regret about that?
MATT Everyone thought girl meant prostitute.
KAREN Was she?
MATT Was she what?
KAREN A prostitute.
MATT Goodness, no. Of course not. What do you think of me?
KAREN That's not a momentary lapse of sanity. That's plain idiocy.
MATT Well then, no. I don't have anything that I wish hadn't happened.
KAREN Not even Daisy?
MATT Not even Daisy.
KAREN Good for you.
And this is how I intend for the movie to end:
KAREN Hey.
MATT What?
KAREN I'm glad we happened.
It would probably take years before I finish this, if I finish it at all. But what the hey. I have all these ideas, concepts and whatnots running inside my head fighting for attention; I'm just happy I got to put one down.
B.I.L.
